Monday, June 01, 2009

On the Piss Again

A fictional account on a true story...

My friend Vince gave me $6 to take a cab across town to Grand Central. I was planning on walking but he had the better judgment and advised me to get a cab, and quickly, for the last train to Connecticut departed @ 1:49 sharp.


I took the $6 and leisurely walked a few blocks east eventually hailing a cab. The cab driver happened to be a woman, the second female cab driver I've come across in my entire life. I don't know if it was just me or if the drive really did take took forever because the ride that should have taken 5 minutes, took over 10.

We arrive @ Grand Central, I hand the driver $6 bucks for the $3 ride and dart into the station hoping I'm not too late.

For the second time in my life, I watched my train drive off into the darkness of Grand Central Terminal, quite possibly the worst feeling a man could feel. Words can't describe this sort of predicament.

"Alright, stations closed, you gotta get outta here" a security guard told me.

I didn't want to sleep in Grand Central for the third time so I called up Vince and made my way back to his place.

At this point, I had effectively wasted $6 and 30 minutes of time that could have been spent drinking brews and listening to music. The worst part about it was that I had to walk all the way back across town, the very edge of the west side on 42 st.

This whole time I was in a bit of a daze. Not paying attention to time, direction or bodily functions. As I'm walking down the street I realize my entire left leg is wet. It takes me a minute, but I eventually put two and two together and realize I pissed my pants. Not a little dribble either, it looked like I stepped in a four foot puddle of water.


I wasn't ashamed, walking 8 avenues with pissed pants isn't the most comfortable situation I've been in but I made the best of it and took some random photos in Times Square. I got off track a few blocks in and felt like I was lost but really I was only a few blocks north of 42nd street.


Three quarters through the walk I decided it would be a good idea to get another 40oz. So I walk into a bodega and buy a 4.50 Coors light 40oz beer (They didn't have any Colts), which was a complete waste of money considering I only have $12 in my checking account and because it was 2 in the morning.

I finally get back to Vince's apartment and he's about ready to go to sleep. I walk in like there's a party with a 40oz in hand and piss stained jeans.

"You got another 40 dude?" He laughed.


"Alright well you can sleep in my room mates room".

I took two sips of my brew, took off my piss stained jeans and slept hard.

Woke up the next morning with no idea where I was, freaked out for about 2 minutes because I thought I had slept to long but I soon realized I where I was and made my way out, jeans still a bit damp.


In typical Pop Guru fashion, I left early and quietly. Vince was still asleep, my jeans still wet with piss, but it was time for me to get the fuck out of NYC.

The train ride home was miserable, I was dozing off and kept waking up in shock thinking I missed my stop.

Eventually got home, washed my jeans and headed to work.

Just another night in the NYC.

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